Am I In Love Quiz
10 questions distinguishing 'in love' from 'just really into them'.
The 'am I in love' quiz helps you distinguish between infatuation, limerence, and genuine love based on how you feel and behave around the person. Based on Sternberg's triangular theory of love (intimacy, passion, commitment).
10 questions · 4 min · press A, B, C, or D
Built on research. With a dash of irreverence.
This quiz maps your responses onto Sternberg's triangular theory of love — intimacy (knowing and being known), passion (attraction and intensity), and commitment (choice and future-building). The four results distinguish between genuine love, limerence (obsessive infatuation), surface-level infatuation, and anxious attachment masked as love. It's not diagnostic, but it's behaviorally grounded.
Three components of love
Sternberg found that lasting love needs all three: intimacy (genuine knowledge of the person), passion (physical and emotional attraction), and commitment (active choice). Results that score low on one or more components cluster into distinct patterns.
Limerence as a separate state
Dorothy Tennov distinguished limerence — obsessive thinking about someone — from actual love. Limerence has a predictable timeline and usually ends whether the relationship does or not. This quiz surfaces whether you're experiencing limerence or love.
Behavior over self-report
We ask what you actually do in situations rather than asking you to label your feelings. People often call anxious attachment 'love' and limerence 'being in love'. Behavior reveals the difference.
Psychology writer · Identity & Relationships
Frequently asked
What's the difference between love and limerence?
Love is knowing and choosing someone. Limerence is obsessing about them. Psychologist Dorothy Tennov found that limerence — characterized by constant thinking, idealization, fear of rejection, and physical symptoms like butterflies — is actually a distinct state from love. It usually peaks in the first 1-3 years and fades whether the relationship survives or not. Love can grow after limerence fades, but they're not the same thing.
Why does my love feel less intense than it used to?
Genuine love is usually less intense than limerence, and that's actually a sign you've moved into something more stable. Early-relationship intensity comes from novelty, idealization, and uncertainty. As you know someone better, that neurochemical high decreases — but trust and commitment deepen. If you've scored 'genuine love' and feel less excited than you did early on, that's normal and often healthy.
Can you move from limerence into genuine love with the same person?
Yes, but only if you actually know and like them once the obsession clears. Limerence fades whether the relationship continues or not — usually around the 2-3 year mark. If you've built intimacy and commitment beneath the limerence, genuine love can replace it. But if the person is fundamentally incompatible or you've idealized them too much, the fading of limerence often reveals the relationship can't survive.
What should I do if I'm experiencing attachment rather than love?
First, recognize that this is anxiety, not love — that's crucial. Anxious attachment patterns often came from early relationships where love felt conditional or unreliable. The work is building security from the inside out: therapy, honest self-examination, and sometimes stepping back from the relationship to rebuild your baseline sense of safety. You can't think your way out of this; you have to rebuild your nervous system's sense of stability.
Quiz of the day in your inbox
Every morning. Takes 3 minutes. Get smarter and weirder by noon. No sales pitch, ever.